Robots in Disguise

Portion of Transformers Redux...

Powerful Man

I am the king of bombs. This is my plan. We bomb everything.

I will take my helicopter and bomb everything.

Scene: Two helicopters flying over the desert.

They are obviously laden with bombs. They are licking

their lips like wild Mexican Chihuahuas.

Scene: Back to Washington. Geriatrics receiving unsustainable

doses of Prozac. Square dancing. Irish drinking songs.

Powerful Man

Yes, cheer on the bombs. They will be coming for every

life form. Oh yes, and my wife left me. For another man.

Oh yes, where am I? Speak to me now you blond angel.

Tell me all about the voices you hear. I hear them too.

(gestures to screen. Once again, Yael

Naim sings gently over the cosmic footprints

of the human race.)

Blonde Angel

(thinking, not speaking)

Despair?

Powerful Man

I can drop bombs all day and all night on arms and

legs and baby ears and children’s stuffed animals. But

I cannot save my wife, and I cannot eliminate this song,

which radars across the sonic spacestations of our brains like

catatonic little mice feet. Chimney sweeps! Prepare!

(the faces of the mice children stare

unknowingly)

We are wandering through the thick vines of psychopathology.

Please. Tell my brain what to think.

Scene: Battle ships. Hundreds of them. O calamity!

I will give you twenty four hours, people. Tell me

what my brain thinks.

Scene: Billy Ray’s House. In a Rooms To Go showcase neighborhood.

Top 40 radio on every dial, chickens climbing out of pots,

chattering dentures warmed by the cathode rays of television.

A dog bakes in the window glare. Billy Ray signs on.

Scans ebay.

Billy Ray

(the Fonze)

Heeyyyyyy...

Billy Ray stands up. Billy Ray walks to mirror. Billy Ray

begins to talk to himself.

Billy Ray

Self. Gun-toting self. Isolation of self. I want to take

you out on a date, lovely pornstar self.

Billy Ray gussies himself up. Then he begins to talk to his

animal.

Billy Ray

Wait for me. I’ll keep feeding you as long

as you can eat.

Scene: Billy Ray’s front lawn is inhabited by mister and missus Ray.

They seem inordinately interested in the grass. They whisper domesticated

blandishments to the grass.

Mrs. Ray

(insistent)

Feng Shui...Feng Shui...Feng Shui...

Mr. Ray

I should have had a son like you, green green grass.

Spreading out over the earth so thick and warm and green.

Billy Ray comes huffing across the grass.

Billy Ray

Bye mom. Bye dad. Be driving now. You’ll see.

Mr. Ray

First the car, Billy Ray. Then the highways. Are you

always going to be leaving my life like this? Couldn’t you

just learn to stand still and attach your self to the topsoil and

absorb the sun for nutrients?

Billy Ray

Effervesce, family! Mom, that means you. Leave the

dog alone.

Billy Ray climbs into car.

Mr. Ray

I’m as empty as a shell now, Mrs. Ray.

Scene: Infidels crossing the desert. Children dressed as

contestants on America’s Most Wanted. Benny T and co.

cross a jagged rock. They represent the core American

values of leadership, persistence, and respect for others.

Scene: A woman stands listening to a radio. She is allowing the

television set to make a carbon copy of her brain. This brain

will be sold to J.C. Penney.

Scene: Washington. Holy fuck. A powerful man!

Powerful Man

We learn every day more things about ourselves that

are new and interesting and full of promise.

Baby starts to cry.